some more of the story...(this chapter is longer)

The rain was pouring down outside the restaurant, working this double shift was starting to drag on him, but the smile wouldn't leave his face. In the back of his mind as he cleared another table of dirty dishes and half eaten meals, he was envisioning being in the mountains. The heavy rain and cold temperatures outside meant that it was dumping snow in the higher elevations. The ski resorts weren't open yet, but Chad wasn't concerned about that. The crowds and novice skiers stayed to the groomed slopes and chairlift available hills at Crystal and that was just fine with him. He was part of a select few who ventured into the back country to find a little piece of the mountain all to themselves.

Dropping off his load of plates and silverware, he went through the motions of being the attentive waiter and service provider that he normally was, but really it was all he could do to stay through his shift. He knew it would look bad if he left early.

Chad enjoyed his job, the people he worked with and the customers who came into eat. The Ram was a casual place to work, the hours were good, the people were generally happy and easy to deal with and he had a natural talent for making those around him feel comfortable. This easy going and friendly attitude was reflected in the tips he received as he went from table to table making sure everyone was getting the food and service they deserved. He was popular with the staff because all of his tips went into a common tip jar that was split equally among those working. Being one of the youngest managers in the chain's local market had both its benefits and drawbacks, contributing to the tip jar created a bond with his staff. That was one of the reasons that Chad felt the desire to be on the floor, interacting with the customers and filling gaps to help out the wait staff and kitchen, to provide the quality of service his restaurant had become known. He was happy to pick up the slack and make the job easier for everyone, tending bar or clearing tables, taking orders or delivering the meals, it was all part of the same machine and Chad had the knack for making the machine run smoothly.

Try as he might, today was different. Tomorrow was the beginning of a week of vacation and Chad was going to spend it in the mountains. He loved the mountains. Any time of year, there was a beauty and serenity that made him feel close to nature and God. During one of his hikes this past summer, Chad had found an area in the back country just south of the Crystal Mountain ski resort that looked like it was going to be a spectacular spot for snowboarding once the snows came to the Cascades. Not too much of a hike, but once they closed highway 410, it was a little for difficult to gain access to the area. The rainy September, one of the wettest on record, nearly 11 inches of rain, had literally flowed into a damp and wet November. The weather in the northwest didn't always work to his advantage, but a cold front had moved in and it looked like mother nature was working in his favor to provide an excellent layer of fresh snow for him to carve up. He always tried to schedule his vacation time just before the busy holiday season began, he would be back two days before Thanksgiving. It was a way to recharge his batteries and gear up for the non-stop hustle of the Thanksgiving celebration that continued non-stop all the way through the new year.

Mount Rainier had been covered in a blanket of white for well over a month after a fairly dry summer. The areas showing the grey/blue rocks slowly became smaller and smaller patches as the mountain donned it's winter white coat. He kept a close eye on the pass reports and looked forward to the time when the department of transportation finally closed highway 410 just passed the ski resort turn off, outside of Greenwater. The DOT had done just that almost ten days ago as the treacherous winding two lane road became too dangerous for travelers, as it crested the Cascades and turned east as it dropped down into Yakima. So now, it was just a matter of his schedule to find the time to get away from the hustle and bustle and seek out the space of solitary quite that only the back country in winter could provide.

Coming out of his revere and back to the din of a busy dinner service, he shook his head, the smile remaining on his face as he collected the remains of another table. The conversations and general noise of the crowded restaurant lulling him into his routine. It was just a matter of a few more hours and he would be alone and free to commune with nature at it's most exquisite beauty.

The morning dawned cold and Chad rolled out of bed ready to hit the road. He already had his gear packed in his Yukon and couldn't wait to get on the road. The sun painting the eastern horizon with spectacular hues of orange, pink and purple lent an almost surreal quality to the morning sky. The beauty that God created all around him, never ceased to make Chad feel so thankful and grateful for being able to perceive and acknowledge the greatness of God. It was one of the reasons that he so much enjoyed being in the wilderness alone. He was able to almost feel the forest around him. The taste of the pine scented air, the crispness it created as it touched his exposed skin exhilarated him to push deeper into the woods of the Wenatchee/Snoqualmie National Forest land that he enjoyed exploring so much.

The hike ahead was going to be a bit arduous, but the payoff at the end was well worth the effort. After scouting about this past summer, Chad had come upon a ravine that looked to be a natural half-pipe. Almost as if a large ice cream scoop had been used to carve out a bowl in the side of the mountain. Trees lined the upper edges, but the lower bowl was clear and ran nearly a hundred feet at a gentle incline of about thirty degrees down the side of the hill. Located just over two miles in from the road closed juncture of 410, Chad knew he would be essentially alone in the south eastern corner of the Mt. Rainier national park. He would be beyond the boundaries of the Crystal Mountain ski resort where few if any of the back country cross country skiers would attempt to traverse.

The drive up through Buckley and Enumclaw was uneventful, a few patches of melting snow on the side of the road as he drove past the mud mountain dam and into the foothills toward Greenwater. Chad parked his truck off the side of the road in a turn out at the bottom of the hill at the base of Crystal Mountain drive. He figured the ski resort would be opening soon and he was only planning on spending a couple of days in the back country. His cold weather gear was fairly compact and provided an efficient means of protection from the elements once he was able to set his base camp.

Strapping his snowboard and backpack on, Chad stepped around the ROAD CLOSED barrier and started walking up the snow covered road. Taking deep breaths of the cold mountain air, filling his lungs with the freshness of a new day brought a joy to his heart and a lightness to his steps. At 23 years old, Chad was in excellent physical condition and the promise of the new fallen snow on the hill drove him to quicken his pace. Just being out in the snow covered forest made Chad happy to be alive. As he walked, he could pick out the tracks of small woodland animals who had been out foraging during the night. Rounding a bend in the road, a sight that few ever got to see delighted him. The dark brown and tan furry hide could just barely be seen. It blended with the shadows of the dark tree trunks and the moss clinging to the branches. It moved without making a sound as its feet broke through the crust of the frozen top layer of snow. Chad stood still not wanting to spook the majestic creature, he had only heard tales of animals this big that roamed the national parks in this area. He had seen signs of them during his hikes in the spring and fall, but he had yet to witness one up close and personal. Its back was nearly at his eye level, the enormous head was well over seven feet off the ground. As it moved among the trees the majesty and confidence it exuded was almost palpable.

Chad realized he was holding his breath. He had stopped in his tracks not wanting to spook the animal as he took in its splendor. The sunlight played tricks with his eyes as he tried to determine just how big it actually was. His perspective was skewed as he was on the hard surface of the road and beast was standing nearly knee deep in the snow some thirty to forty yards ahead of him amongst the Douglas firs. The stories of this kind of animal played through Chad's mind. Not one even came close to describing the beauty and raw power of seeing anything in the wild in person. This was why he so looked forward to these solitary excursions. Finally, the winds changed and Chad was given away by his scent on the breeze. The massive elk raised his head, the more than twelve point rack upon its brow swinging as it turned its head to look directly at him. Chad could almost feel that gaze, the intense stare of an animal that was not afraid. The flare of its nostrils taking in his scent, the expansion of its chest as the lungs filled and the elk stood taller and even more majestic. Chad felt as if he was being measured. The unwavering gaze of the creature held him transfixed into place. He could feel his heart rate speed up and his pulse quicken in his throat. This was an encounter with one of nature's most honorable creations. Chad blinked his eyes as he took a deep breath and just like that the elk was gone. No sound, no flurry of snow, just gone.

A quick prayer of thanks to God for the fantastic opportunity to view and interact with such a wonderful creature, brought out of his near trance and back to enjoying the world around him. He had been walking for almost two hours and it was nearing midday. The area he was looking for had to be around here somewhere near. His first order of business was to establish his base camp, get his tent set up and get the rest of his gear stored. Chad had everything he needed for a couple of days in the back country and he knew he would be tired after a long hike followed by the exertion of blazing his own trail on his snowboard in the fresh powder. Therefore, he was most anxious to get the tedious necessity of getting his camp set.

Chad spotted the rock outcrop on the the uphill east side of the road that he had designated his landmark when he had first scouted this area. There was a clearing in the woods just a few hundred yards due west of the road that would make for a perfect spot to set camp. The surrounding forest and slight dip in the topography made for a natural shelter from the wind and provided him an area where the build up of drifting snow would not be an issue. Chad had thrown up his tent so many times it only took him a few minutes to unload his burden of backpack and snowboard and stow the remaining items inside out of the weather.

Kicking out of his hiking boots and into his snowboard boots, Chad grabbed his board and went in search of his shredding ground. The anticipation of seeing the ravine filled with snow waiting for his arrival was almost too much to bear. The clear sky overhead meant a great afternoon of snowboarding but also that if conditions remained the same, it would get very cold. Treking through the old growth forest Chad felt his insignificance, the true smallness of one human being, compared with the vastness of all that surrounded him. As always, he felt like an intruder into the sanctity of a pristine forest. Thanking God for allowing him such a wonderful opportunity to be part of such beauty, Chad vowed to make himself appreciate all that he had been given.

Cresting a small hill, he knew he was close to the ravine he had come upon in the summer. Sure enough, the trees parted and there before him was the sight he had envisioned during the warmth of late August. The ravine had indeed filled with snow. The resulting half pipe flowed down and away from him beckoning to him. Here at the top, he was almost mid-thigh in powder and he wondered how deep the lower bowl was going to be.

It didn't take him long to find out. Cinching his bindings to his boots and dropping into the bowl with abandon, Chad felt at one with the mountain. His freshly waxed board gliding over the snow, the powder billowing up in his face nearly blinded him. The sharp edges of his board carving into the snow as he leaned from heel side to toe side, looking for the edge of the ravine as he headed up the inclined side of the half pipe. Gaining speed and launching himself skyward, a frontside 360 with a tail grab on the way down made him shout out loud. The sound of his voice startling even himself in the near silence of the forest. The unrestrained joy he was feeling, the almost overwhelming freedom of he experienced at these times brought tears to his eyes. Then he thought, maybe it was just the cold stinging wind on his face that brought the tears, but either way he was as happy as he could ever remember being.

Coming off the far side of the bowl, Chad noticed a small depression in the snow at the bottom of the ravine, directly in front of him. It wasn't a large hole, just a small variance from the accumulation of snow around it. He wasn't even sure why it caused him any concern, but for some reason his eyes were drawn to it. Before he could correct his course and swerve around the dip, the front of his board disappeared into the snow. All at once a feeling of weightlessness enveloped him. It felt as if he was falling, falling a long way down. He became disoriented as he tumbled through the hole, flipping end over end. His mind tried to process what was happening, the fall seemed to be taking forever. Finally, with a jolt of pain and the wind being forced out of his lungs Chad landed on his back, his board next to him in the snow.

At first he thought maybe he had fallen over a waterfall, but the light was not right. His vision slowly cleared as he raised himself up on an elbow to survey where he had landed. The light he noticed was all around him with just a small circle of blue directly above him. The blurry vision made it hard to determine distance as his depth perception was off, but it seemed the blue spot was way above him. Chad shook his head to try and clear the cobwebs a little. He rubbed his eyes and realized he still had his goggles on. Removing his eye protection he was astonished to see that he had fallen into a cave of some sort. The blue spot was actually the sky some thirty feet over his head and the hole he had inadvertently fallen through. Rolling over on his side, the jolt of pain was like and electric shock up his left leg and through his back. It was then that he noticed he was still strapped into the snowboard by his binding and his left foot was at a totally bizarre angle. It was like viewing something on tv, it didn't even look real the way his foot was turned around. If it wasn't broken, his ankle was seriously messed up. Amazingly, he didn't really feel the kind of pain one would expect from an injure that looked as severe as this one appeared to be.

The light filtering into the cave showed through one wall that looked like a curtain of ice. Behind him, the cave traveled back into darkness. It didn't look like any readily available route of escape from the cave was accessible. Using his snowboard as a lever, Chad was able to get himself into a more or less sitting position. From here he began to take stock of his situation. A few deep breaths made him realize that he had probably broken a couple of ribs. Once he had removed his boot from the binding and got his foot pointing in the proper direction, the pain in his ankle had subsided substantially and he decided that it was most likely not broken but sprained for certain. Out of the corner of his eye, Chad thought that he saw movement in the darkness of the tunnel. Fearing that he may have awoken some hibernating black bear, he tried to stand.

The wave of nausea and light headedness that nearly made him pass out, indicated that he probably had a concussion. Holding onto consciousness by sheer will power he brought himself upright so as to present a larger image. Using his peripheral vision, without turning his head he tried to locate the source of the movement. Not wanting to create a direct confrontation by making eye contact, he slowly moved toward the wall of ice in search of a way out.

Movement again caught his attention and he could feel a presence in the cave with him. The uneven floor made it hard to move with his impaired ankle, the snowboard providing him with a crutch to lean some weight upon. As he neared the light of the wall a cold draft brought with it an odor that renewed his nausea. The stench churned his stomach and made him reflexively grab for his nose. The sudden movement caused him to overbalance on his good leg and sent him sprawling to the floor. Just before his head hit the ground and darkness overtook him, the shadows took life and stepped forward. As his eyes involuntarily closed, he was sure that he saw a huge man standing there looking down at him with sympathetic eyes. He fought to remain awake, but the strain became just too much. He felt emotionally tired as well as physically drained. Incredibly though, the fear he thought he should be feeling at being trapped with a big black bear about to be eaten wasn't present at all. The comforting blackness of dreamless sleep enveloped him as he slipped from the conscious world.

Thanksgiving eve...remembering to be thankful!

Thanksgiving eve...

Watching the news and the weather reports Sunday made me stop and think about all of the things I need to constantly remind myself that I am thankful for, each of the blessings in my life that only through the loving mercy of God am I able to obtain. A roof over my head, warm clothes to wear, a refrigerator full of food waiting to be prepared for a Thanksgiving feast, shared with family and friends. A day of shopping and picking up the last things on the grocery list brought home to me how incredibly blessed I truly am. So, with God in my heart I decided to forgo food until Thanksgiving day. It has been since 7pm on Sunday that my wife and I shared dinner together, nearly 67 hours ago.

As we sat together in the warmth of our home, the fireplace on and a happy dog at our feet, it dawned on me what a wonderful wife I have and how much love we share. Blessings come in all sizes and shapes. I am so thankful for my two great kids, both in college and maturing into outstanding young adults. This Thanksgiving we are hosting at our house. We will be serving dinner for close to 30 people and this doesn't include the 20 or so from my side of the family! To have a home that will accommodate that many people comfortably (maybe) is truly a blessing. We sat and discussed the up coming plans for getting everything ready when the lights flickered and we were without power. Thankfully, it lasted just about an hour and we were back to normal.

It was as we were sitting next to the fire that I thought it would be a good idea for me to spend a few days fasting leading into the Thanksgiving festivities. It is so easy to become complacent in our daily lives. Family, friends, food and so much we take for granted. Sacrificing food for a few days has helped me to appreciate and remember that there are so many people today who have so much less than I do. People that will go hungry today, not by choice but by circumstance. Even without the luxury of a full fridge to forage in, I have the blessing of a fridge! I have the warmth of a nice home, filled with love and caring. We each have our individual destinies, our roles to play in life and the paths we choose to follow. It is how we choose to live our lives that show the character of our being. Taking a step back on occasion to view our life from a perspective outside of the daily grind may surprise you when you realize all that you do have.

God is truly awesome in so many ways. The blessings are all around you, be thankful!

a dark lonely road...(just more fiction)

The night was dark, no stars in the sky and the thick cloud cover held the moon at bay. This was the kind of night that one didn't want to be out driving out here on the peninsula. The old growth forest draped over the roadway and blotted out any signs of civilization. Of course, out here civilization was a relative term. One lane, desolate roads wound around and through the protected forest. In the daytime the giant trees were something to marvel at, but on a night like this it felt like the moss covered behemoths were actually leaning toward the road ready to snatch the unsuspecting passerby in their mighty branches. The wind giving life to the huge limbs of the giant western hemlocks and Douglas firs lending another layer to the illusion of movement to these sentinels of the rain forest. She really disliked these late night drives through the dense woods at this time of year and she wasn't sure why she was out here in the first place. She kept on driving.

The northwest part of Washington state in the shadow of the Olympic mountain range cradled a unique environment which collected the moisture laden storms coming in off the Pacific ocean and funneled them inland. The result was an area which is drenched in over twelve feet of rain per year. This temperate rain forest of the Olympic National park was designated in 1988 as a wilderness area, part of the national wilderness preservation system. She marveled as she continued along highway 101 out of Port Angeles that the darkness seemed to swallow her headlights. It was well after midnight and the twisting winding road that took her passed Crescent Lake seemed almost alien. A few solitary lights on in a few homes on the lake brought her a little solace. As she glanced to the left at the lake it looked as if a wave was pushing across the water, coming toward the road. At this time of night no boats were out and the shores where rocky along this side of the lake. No one who knew this lake would be driving their boat at night without any running lights directly at the road in any rate. She slowed her car to see if she could get a better look. The wind was surely rippling the surface, but there was definitely something in the water and it was coming right to the cove below the road where she was now. Braking to a stop, she leaned over to the passenger side of the car and rolled down the window to get a better view and maybe hear something. What she heard made the hairs on the back of her neck raise and sent a chill down her spine.

Heavy breathing, almost panting as the water pushed forward toward the shore. Other than the deep intake of breath and the harsh exhale, the swimmer made hardly a sound in the water. She fumbled around the in the glove box looking for a flashlight that wasn't there. Quickly reaching under the seat in search of the light came up empty too. By the sound in the water whatever it was, was getting closer. Water began breaking on the rocky bulkhead supporting the shoulder of the road where her car was parked. Her heart racing, her pulse quickening she scanned the water for the source of the wave and noise. The wind gusted and the branches of the trees danced between her and the water. Then suddenly, the huff of breathing was no longer to be heard. Had she imagined it? Was the fact that she had been up all day driving with no apparent destination in mind causing her mind to manufacture something that wasn't there? Maybe it was just a large elk cutting across the lake rather than walking all the way around? She couldn't be sure, the night was dark, the moon was trying to break through, but she had only seen the wake in front of whatever had been late night swimming. She had felt compelled to pull over, unsure why it was just another question in a long string of many that had manifested in her life today.

Ever since she had been roused out of bed this morning at 4:30am by the blaring of her alarm clock, things had been a little off. She didn't remember setting the alarm and she had apparently went to sleep still in the jeans and t-shirt she had worn the day before. A little strange, considering yesterday was a Wednesday and she should have been dressed more appropriate for work. But upon arising she had felt compelled to put on her shoes and coat and drive. So far, she had driven almost 600 miles, stopping only for gas and food. Now nearly 20 hours later still driving and wearing the same clothes she found herself parked on the side of a deserted road, next to a lake looking at what? Her mind was not cooperating with her, she just felt the need to drive, but the distraction of the water had drawn her out of her compulsion. The cold wind continued to blow and helped her gain a little sense of normalcy. What was she doing? Why was she sitting here? This was like a scene in one of those horror movies that the audience keeps yelling at the heroine to get the car moving. Chuckling to herself, she began to roll up the window.

The odor that blew in was putrid and smelled of rotting meat and wet dog. It almost gagged her to the point of vomiting. Her eyes blurred as tears welled from the overwhelming noxious vapor. Without finishing to roll up the window, she turned to put the car in drive. As the gear shift in her hand nearly engaged, she looked again toward the water and nearly lost consciousness. The reflection in the glass was so unexpected and so utterly otherwordly that she could hardly breath. The lack of ambient light made any actual description almost impossible. A huge mouth, what looked like a nose and heavily lidded eyes looked in at her. Her mind reeled as the grotesque visage leaned near the window to peer in at her. The penetrating gaze locked with her eyes and she wasn't able to look away. The fear welled up in her chest. Her lungs full of air that she was unable to dispel and a light headedness that threatened drop her into unconsciousness combined to essentially paralyze her.

It was then that a feeling of well being stole over her. Where once overwhelming fear and revulsion reigned, now a sense of peace and serenity washed over her. Still locked in the stare down of unreality, the presence on the other side of the glass took on a somber countenance. The eyes were not full of menace as she had originally feared, but sadness. It was a sadness for her, she could almost feel the empathy the creature had for her. It put a huge hand on the glass and she felt the car gently rock. She wasn't sure how or why she knew, but she knew that there was no harm to come. Everything was going to be all right. The feeling of oneness with the thing outside seemed to be natural. This was a being whose nature was good, whose purpose was helpful and had enormous power, both physically and mentally. She could feel in her soul that she had been called to this encounter. She had been driving to this very spot all day long without ever realizing it.

Another gust of wind whipped the branches in the trees around them, she heard a loud crack as one of the great trees dropped a branch. Involuntarily, she turned her head at the sound of the breaking limb and when she turned back the creature was gone. The moon found a hole in the racing clouds and illuminated the space around her car. There was nothing to be seen, she was all alone. Had she imagined that disembodied face? What was it anyway and why had it come to her out of the darkness?

Remnants of the emotional rollercoaster she had ridden all day long left her feeling drained. Trying to hold onto the feeling of sanctuary and goodness that had washed over her after her initial shock, she slumped back against the headrest and put her shaking hand on the steering wheel. The headlights of her car lighting the fir trees in front of her provided little in the way of insight. Again she began to question what was happening to her and why? The one redeeming fact being that she knew she was going to be all right. Her eyes closed as sleep overtook her and a deep sense of well being filled her with joy. Her dreams were filled with fantastic sense of serenity and happiness. The rain forest around her alive and full of life and her being a part of it all. The emptiness and sadness inside that she had been running from replaced by a fullness of love and light.

She was awoken by the sound of tapping on the glass window. Struggling to regain consciousness, she shook her head, trying to remember where she was. The stiffness in her body making her groan as she opened her eyes. Her stomach growled in hunger. Outside the car, a Clallam county sheriff stood looking down at her.

"You alright ma'am" the sheriff inquired. "Would you mind rolling down the window?"

"Uh, sure, no problem," she stammered as she pushed the button the lower the window. "I'm fine, just a little stiff from sleeping sitting up, that's all."

"Have you been drinking?" the officer asked, as he leaned down to take a look inside the car.

"No, no I haven't, it was just a long day yesterday and I pulled over and just fell asleep, is there a problem?" she hesitantly replied.

" Can I see your license and registration please?" he said in a tone that made it more of a statement than a question.

Digging through her purse in the passenger seat she found her license and flipping down the visor she took out the registration and handed them both the to officer. It was then that she looked out the passenger side of the car and saw the partially rolled up window and what looked to be a giant hand print there.

"You're a long way from home miss," the sheriff looked down at her, "what brings you all the way out here?"

"Truthfully officer, I'm not sure, this is just where I ended up, I don't have a good reason for being here other than I just am. Wednesday I was at work, then yesterday I woke up and felt like I needed to drive and now today here I am."

"Let me get this straight, Wednesday you were at work, yesterday you woke up and felt like driving and this morning I find you on the side of the highway asleep in your car, is that what you just said?" he said with a look of confusion on his face.

"Yes sir," she replied with a hint of trepidation. Why did he seem confused?

"Ma'am, you think today is Friday then?" the sheriff asked.

"Well that's what day it is, yesterday was Thursday, I drove around for awhile and then I ended up here with you waking me up just now, Friday, so it's Friday morning."

"Is there someone you can call, I think we need to have a talk at the station. Today is Monday."

To some it's just a job...

The glass doors reflected the afternoon clouds, a hint of the setting sun painting the glass with a tint of purple and gold. How appropriate I thought as I walked into the foyer. The relative quiet of the outside instantly transformed into a symphony of noises and odors which made my heart leap. I smile at the lady sitting at the door taking tickets as I take a deep breath of the potluck of smells that are assualting my sinuses. Popcorn being popped, pretzels warming under a heat lamp, hot dogs being readied for the crowd to come, mixed with the slightly dusty, slighty musty and certainly pungent smell of sweat transports me back to at time when I was one of those who created part of the mixture.

A couple more steps and another doorway becomes a portal to another world. The yellowish light of the overhead flourescent lighting give a golden glow to the hardwood floor. The squeek of rubber on varish, the hard breathing of athletes in action, game faces on both coaches and players. Tonight there will be a game. The rhythm of the leather basketball pounding out a beat, the pop of a crisp pass hitting a player in stride as he launches himself toward the hoop is a sight that brings joy to soul.

This is just the pregame warmup, young men still in the warmups getting loose for real action to begin. Such a pure sense of competition. All the game plans and work done in practice is about to be put to the test against a group of invaders who think they can come into our house and leave with a win. Fans, students, parents, grandparents, friends, brothers and sisters start filing in to get the best available seat to view the contest about to unfold. The smile on my face is stuck there. This is one of my favorite places to in the world to be. My seat is saved for me and it's the best seat in the house, a blessing for certain.

Unburdening my load on the table at half court, I begin to assemble the tools which will help be to become a part of the whole tapestry. Cables, cords and an assortment of connections allow me the ability to be more than just a cheering fan, but transform me into a conduit of public information. Tonight, as every night, it will be about the game and the young men striving to elevate their abilities, to overcome a foe and represent their school. When the clock hits 0:00 it will be about the score, someone will be victorious and others will be left wanting. Until that time, it is all about effort, competition, hustle, sweat and heart. The athletes on a high school floor are not being paid, they are not getting the adoration of the media, many may not even see any gametime tonight, but without exception they are all there because they love the game. In that I share a bond with each and every player, coach and die hard fan, I too am here because I love the game.

God has taken me on a crazy path of twists and turns, switchbacks and detours. Through it all , I have gained a sense of confidence to speak in public, to have my words conveyed and amplified so that many can hear my message. Thankfully, my message is to help decipher the action on the floor. The athletes do all the work, the referees and coaches strive to maintain order and discpline, I am just a cog in the machine, one color on the pallet creating the big picture. My goal is to bring an added level of entertainment to the event, to portray the action on the floor in a positive way, to lift up the athletes and make the evening a little more enjoyable for those in attendance.

I am the public address announcer. I get to sit at the scorers table, with the official score book, the scoreboard operator and shot clock operator, each of whom are actual officials of the game. My position in contrast is the only "unofficial" position at the table. The onus on me is to relate the game to the crowd, to let everyone know who scored, who fouled, who called time out and who is on the floor. If the whole evening were a stew, I would be just a single spice added to the mix. The stew would be fine without me and the meal would be certainly nutritious and filling, my intention each night is to make that stew just taste a little better. If I do my job well I can bring a smile to those who are in attendance and win or lose make everyone feel positive about the outcome.

It is easy for anyone to get on the microphone and talk. It can be intimidating, but it's not hard to do. The trick is finding the right words to say. Once words are spoken you can't get them back, kinda like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube. After getting comfortable with your words being broadcast, finding the proper flow and timing to interject into the game is a key component. Having a knowledge of the game on the floor and a feel for the natural rhythm of the game are additional qualities that add to ones confidence level. The final piece of the puzzle and maybe the hardest element to bring to the table is personality. As I stated, it is easy to get on the mic and talk, its more difficult to do it well and a whole other dimension to bring a level of professionalism to the microphone that raises the evening. To some it is just a job. I want to change the night from just another pot of stew to something at leaves you wondering what changed in the recipe that made it so good tonight. The bottom line is that the game is about the young men and the celebration of competition, creating memories for a lifetime.

I thank God for the abilities and gifts He has bestowed and blessed upon me. To be able to be part of so many fantastic games and bring a level of passion and enthusiasm to the contests is assuredly a gift from God. The smile on my face is genuine. Thank you for saving my seat, "I'm Nic Beckman...Play Fair, Play Hard, Have Fun...Let's Play Basketball!"

watch out for the yellow car...

Fingers tapping out a tune on the steering wheel waiting for the light to change. Country music coming from the speakers singing songs with words I can understand. I'm the third car back as the colors go from red to green the line of cars ahead of us isn't moving but the two cars in from of me pull forward. Cars sitting in each of the lanes facing into the intersection, just another normal occurrence with the growing gridlock of traffic. Debating whether to pull out and sit in the middle, even though my time is tight, the better call is staying where I at. I glance left and right, I look to the front and see that traffic is starting to move...

That's when it happens!

Out of the blue a yellow car comes hurtling from the right without a hesitation, no brakes, no veering, headlong into the pickup truck in front of me. The impact of the vehicles is frightening. The collision spun the mid-size pickup into the oncoming traffic lane directly into a jeep cherokee waiting in the left hand turn lane, crushing the front end. The yellow car never slowed or showed any hint that the driver was paying any attention whatsoever. A car going 35 miles per hour into a stationary truck is a scary sight to see. Shattered glass, torn metal and chunks of plastic exploded in a literal bang, bang scenario. Three vehicles essentially totaled in a matter of a couple of seconds, happening within a few feet of my car. My prayers immediately were for all involved to safe from harm, cars can be fixed, people are much more fragile. I was and am also extremely thankful for the Lord's hand of patience holding me back from inching into the intersection and keeping me out of the area of collateral damage.

As I drove my car around the chaos, the young female driver of the yellow car was getting out, the driver of the truck also exiting his vehicle obviously shaken. More than 10 of us had our phones out dialing 911, my first two attempts got an "all circuits are busy" response. Others had gone to the drivers of each of the cars and all seemed to be in hand, I finally connected with the 911 operator who said they were aware of the accident and had dispatched police and emergency aid to the scene. I left my name and contact information with the operator and hung up.

Needless to say, I was late for my appointment my 15 minutes, but I arrived safe and with a new or maybe not necessarily new, but a refreshed perspective. Each day I am thankful to the Lord for allowing me the opportunity to experience another day. To make something positive happen in my life and that of the people who I come in contact. I know that today, if I would have been pushing to get through that intersection, I would have been the fourth car in the accident. Each of the people involved did not have "get in an car wreck" today penciled in on their calendars. The actions of one person not paying attention to what was happening around them, caused thousands of dollars of damage to property, potentially injuring multiple people and creating a situation that will be more than just an inconvenience at least three families. God willing, each person directly impacted in the crash is unharmed and free from serious injury, my prayers are with them for a quick recovery from the bumps and bruises, soreness and pain that I am sure they are feeling.

Life can change in an instant. Regardless of the intention of your schedule or the plans you have made, you never know when a yellow car will appear out of nowhere with no concern for your well being and crush your front end. We are not guaranteed anything in life, just because you started a day, there is no guarantee you will finish it.

After more than 30 years of dating my girlfriend and nearly 24 years of being married to my wonderful wife, (glad they are the same girl!) each day before we part we make sure to tell each other that we love each other and a kiss goodbye. Daily I try to make sure that my children know that dad loves them. I never want to find myself in any situation that leaves me wishing I had at the very least told my family that I love them. Love is something that must be displayed and shown to be appreciated, you can't hide your love and expect it to blossom. Love needs to be in the light, nurtured and cared for. Love takes a kind, caring hand and needs a hand to hold. Don't be afraid to express your love and let those you care for know that you love them. You never know when that yellow car will come out of nowhere!

Fiction...a tale in the making

He sat with his elbows on the counter, his head in his hands and his eyes closed. The noise of the people around him washing over him in waves. Conversations, orders being shouted, dishes being cleared, the sounds of the cars outside, the wind and the rain beating on the plate glass behind him, the bell ringing as people entered and exited, a cacophony of white noise coalescing into one something he felt he could actually feel envelope him as he sat with his head down. Flash of faces, places and colors danced behind his closed eyelids. Nothing seemed to linger long enough for him to bring it entirely into focus.

"Here's you coffee hun," as the waitress slid a saucer and cup on the counter towards him.

The aroma of black coffee brought him out of his revere and he looked up at the kindly face of a woman who had spent a career behind the counter. The look of concern on her face added to the ball of concern and anxiety growing in his stomach.

"Darlin, you look terrible," she said with a compassionate smile. " Can I get you something to eat? Food always makes things better and besides any man who looks like you can't have things going too wrong."

Her name tag said WANDA, she stood there just looking at him with the eyes of a concerned mother. The problem was that he couldn't find the words to speak. He didn't remember ordering the coffee or even walking into the diner. He just shook his head from side to side as he reached for the cup. With other patrons to care for, Wanda turned to grab the orders that were up to deliver to destined tables.

As the cool porcelain cup touched his lips the strong smell of the coffee wafted into his face. Before drinking, he inhaled through his nose with his eyes closed, tasting the bitterness of the burnt coffee beans which had been used to make this brew. Tilting the cup, the hot liquid assaulted his tongue and attacked the back of his throat, burning a path down to his stomach. The molten tar like quality of the coffee nearly brought him to his knees, only the counter and the stool he was sitting in kept him upright. But it also seemed to melt some of the cocoon he had felt himself trapped within. Up until now, he could sense the world around him, but felt a stranger there, not able to communicate nor interact in a normal way. The grimace on his face must have been readily apparent as Wanda turned from the other end of the counter and came back over to him. "You really don't look well, you haven't spoken a word since you showed up at my counter and now you look as if you've just drank a cup of battery acid. Sweetie, can I call someone for you? Do you need a doctor?" she said, looking around at the regular patrons, who were also now looking at him.

He put up his hand and again shook his head in the negative to stall her advance. The lingering pain of the first drink had brought on a realization. "Sorry," he said speaking the first words since she noticed him sitting so forlorn at the counter, " I normally don't drink it black, could I please have some cream and sugar."

The smile that broke across Wanda's face was like the dawning of sunrise after a cloudy night. Her composure brightened as she hurriedly grabbed the cream and sugar depositing them next to his coffee cup. She patted his hand and said, "well why didn't you say so in the first place? I was beginning to think that you couldn't talk at all?"

So was I, he thought. The rest of the people in the diner all went back to their own conversations and didn't give the man at the counter another thought, except one. She sat there at the opposite end of the counter. The newspaper in her hand a camouflage to allow her watch him without being obtrusive. It had taken a moment to pick her out from the crowd, but as she had lowered the paper to sip her own coffee, he had caught a glimpse of her long black hair. Had he seen her before? Try as he might his memory was still foggy and didn't seem to be getting much better. He didn't want to call anymore attention to himself, but the feeling of being watched by the raven haired woman dominated his thoughts. Maybe it was because he really didn't have any more pressing or coherent thoughts to focus upon, but whatever, he was drawn to her nonetheless.

It's not about the individual, but the contributions the individual makes

Well here goes...I wanted to write daily and post my thoughts, then I began writing and found that I then wanted to save the draft and go back, reread and edit my previous comments before I actually posted anything. (That didn't work out). This caused me to create a backlog of ideas and drafts that no seem incomplete as I look back at them and change, edit or adjust what I put down the night before. Consequently, nothing got posted! (more than 9 drafts just sitting in limbo).

In theory a good idea, but I found I was unable to regain my previous train of thought or tried putting a new spin on an idea or trying to sort out something that previously had seemed a ramble into a coherent (in my mind) order. I have found it just doesn't work. In talking with friends and others who have taken the time to read my diatribe and comment to me about what I have written, it has become apparent to me that it reallyd doesn't matter how polished I think a topic should be. The important thing is that I make the effort to get my thoughts down in this format and then let it go. That being said, "Thank you to all who have made comments to me and encouraged me to continue". Second guessing and self-doubt are a couple of my lesser qualties that I battle on a daily basis. I will endeavor to write in a manner that is easy to read and may even have a beneficial message contained within.

That being said...

Recently, (yesterday) I was given the opportunity to spend some time with a person who has had some unique experiences. He is exceptionally intellegent and well spoken. In our time together he graciously shared some of his experience with me. It has opened my eyes to things in myself that I want to also pass along. Caution, the following paragraphs may cause the reader some discomfort upon introspection...

Life is not about the individual (you and me), but it IS about the contributions of each individual. How we live our lives and the interactions we have with others are not just over and done. We create instances that we are each accountable for, like it or not. The bottom line is how do we treat others. No matter your religious bent, Catholic, Christian, Baptist, Mormon, Hindu, Muslim or whatever mantle you want to wear, our actions accrue to our individual accountability. It is really not about how you choose to worship or pray, how you choose to show your faith or lack there of, in the end you will find that it will be you and you alone having to speak on your own behalf for your own actions and decisions. We are each born with an inherent knowledge of right and wrong, an ability to express free will and the opportunity to make our decisions accordingly. I label myself a Christian and believe, no I know, that Jesus was sent to be our savior. He died for our sins and paved the way for our souls/spirit to have eternal life. Eternity is forever, our time here is but a blink in the scheme of things. But the result of our actions in that blink result in the determination of how we spend our eternity. Stop and think about that for a minute...

Heaven and hell are concepts created by man to help us deal with something beyond our comprehension. Jesus and other said over and over in the bible, "love one another" i.e. John 15:12 "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." 1Peter 4:8 " And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ""love will cover a multitude of sins."" Romans 13:8 "Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law". 1John 4:7-8 " Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love." This goes on and on throughout the bible. Love and loving one another is the central theme of the bible. No matter what you want to call the Almighty, God, Allah, Father, The Big Guy, the All Knowing Spirit....whatever, it doesn't matter. Don't get caught up in the minor details. Love is the key to everything and how we express it to others is what really matters. To intentionally cause emotional harm to another is the worst thing a person can do. To attack another's spirit in a way that does damage to them in a malicious and hurt way knowing that your are doing it, is the greatest crime one can do to another. The fragile nature of the spirit can be irrepairably harmed and the resulting pain it causes accrues directly to the one doing the wrong. Certainly, we would not want to feel the pain being caused and many may feel that they don't care. They can rationalize their actions and tell themselves they are justified for whatever they are doing. A preceived wrong done to them that they are exacting retribution for may drive them to inflict the pain onto another. This is a dangerous road to follow. Remember, this life is but a blink of an eye...(not a very long time)

Here is the kicker...eternity is how long we will spend our existence after this lifetime tending to the consqences of our actions during this blink. If you had to endure each and EVERY intentional emotional pain you inflicted on another without interruption, in an endless loop, with no breaks, no sleep...just unending pain coupled with the realization that it was pain that you created (hell). Would it change the way your interact with others on a daily basis? Would you stop and think before you lashed out at a loved one, friend or stranger? How much effort does it take to forgive and love? Is the price of being mean, angry, hurtful or hateful and the perceived self-gratification worth and eternity of reliving the pain?

Freewill and the intellegence that God has imbued us with allows us to make our own decisions and conclusions. These are just thoughts that have been swirling in my mind for a long time and through the benefit of anothers insight have coalesced into what I have put down here. Right or wrong, coherent or crazy is for each of us to decide. I for one choose to LOVE, to forgive and make an effort to cause good to happen. To do what I can to inspire others to feel positive emotions and in some small way make a difference in the balance for good and evil, love and hate to the side of the ledger where Love and Good are credited. Not for my personal gain in this blink, but for the eternity where my spirit be called on to account for my actions. I CHOOSE TO LOVE!!!!!!

How's Your Traffic...?

So often on my commute I have time to ponder long range thoughts. Before I started putting fingers to keyboard, it was easy to day dream an idea through traffic and then let it go upon another safe arrival at home. Now that I am finding an outlet by writing about these thoughts, it becomes a matter of effort and will to follow through with it.

How is your traffic? what is your daily commute like and have you ever slowed down enough to really look at the traffic in your life? Well here are some things to consider:

Let's take a look at my commute home, (each of us will, I believe, be able to insert your singular experience and perspective into this template, just fill in the blanks).

My typical commute is about 85-100 miles round trip. Depending on the time of day the one way commute time is approximately 60 minutes. One hour on average to spend on occasion in a carpool or most often alone.

As I left QWest Field tonight around 10:30pm the traffic had pretty much all cleared out. I wound my way out of the parking structure onto the new corkscrew on ramp from the garage ramp onto the freeway on ramps. Twists and turns, all to get me out and on my way on I5 southbound. The vise like narrowing of 3 on ramps that merge to make 2 lanes that then merge to the 3 southbound lanes, one of which is a carpool lane to make 5 lanes which then quickly squeeze down to 4 lanes and then open up to 5 choices to make at 70 miles an hour. Not too complicated to traverse, in the normal course of driving, but still rife with decisions.

The pack of cars staggered across 4 lanes jockeying for position provide a gap where I can slide in and join the flow. Dancing across 3 lanes I choose to set a pace that will get me to my destination in the most expeditious manner possible without speaking to anyone outside my car.

As in life there are all kinds of signs telling you where you are, how far to get there, offers to sell you something, how fast you should be going and on and on...at night it is interesting to see when you take the time to notice, the number of warning lights you see in a 45 mile commute. The flashing yellow of hazard lights on a car on the side of the road, hopefully they are ok and have a phone to call for help. These days it is just too unsafe to stop and offer assistance. The flowering of brake lights as cars bunch up around a driver who has no feel for the flow of cars around them, playing the part of a stone in a stream, making the water surge around it, pushing ripples out that effect each of the other lanes. The brilliant blue and white of the strobing lights of the police car pulled up behind a car on the side, are they providing assistance or enforcing the law? A situation to be resolved by them and not for me to speculate or judge upon, but a reason for many to hesitate and slow everyone down. Another reminder to stay within the law and get home safely. An ambulance flies by in the other direction, red and white lights flashing and I say a quick prayer for those inside, both victim and paramedics. Each and every color or flash, street sign or decision to change lanes has a parallel in life. It is amazing how much can be drawn to everyday life in a comparison to driving down the highway. Each decision and the impact that it has on your forward progress or lack there of. Do you approach your traffic with trepidation or anticipation? Is your mind made up before you even get into it what kind of traffic you are going to be dealing with? Ask yourself, "How is my traffic?"

This analogy is a book in and of itself. It has taken me two days to get bring this item to some semblance of order and consolidate an extremely long verbal assault into this moderately long attempt at getting to some kind of point. This will be a topic to come back to, so much more to investigate and work through. What kind of attitude do I bring to the table each day, how does that attitude effect those around me and maybe more importantly reflect upon how I want to be perceived. What are the influences that weigh on my decision making process and what are the motivations which drive me to settle on a course of action? Enough right now, but something to ponder for another day.

Thanking God for His graciousness, mercy and patience with me, today I will spend another day trying to get it a little better than yesterday. Thanks also to anyone who has taken their time to read what I have to say, hopefully something struck a chord with you and will make you look at your traffic a little differently. Be blessed as you go through your day!

A quiet summer morning in the great northwest...

Summertime in the great Pacific Northwest is fleeting at best. No one who has ever spent anytime here during the summer can dispute the beauty and wonder that surrounds us. On a clear day you can see Mt. Baker, Mt. Adams and Mt.Rainier from north to south and looking west stands the majesty of the Olympic range standing guard over the entry way from the Pacific. Snow capped and cloud enshrouded Mt. Rainier is the view I have from my back yard. This morning as the sun rose over the Cascades I sat on the back porch and enjoyed the quite dawning of a new day.

(Although quite is a relative term, seeing as I have a parade of cars that traverse South Hill along Woodland avenue behind my house. I pretend that the cars are the incoming tide on the shores of a beach. A kind of white noise that finds it's way into my subconscious and blends into the background where I can disguise the shoosh of the tires on pavement as water washing up on the sand, the groan of a combustion engine as the waves crashing on the rocks. It works for me.) The beauty of the new day and the start of a new week filled with opportunity have me up and sitting in the cool morning air contemplating what to write about today.

How about this...

Last year, from the end of January until the end of June I went just over 18 weeks in a row working out at least 5 days a week. I exercised my will power and self control regarding my eating habits and through the strength that God provided me and encouragement from my wife and children, I sweated off nearly 50 lbs. From a starting weight of 249 lbs to 196 lbs in just under 6 months. It was a challenge to say the least. The result was I felt better, moved easier and was generally in a better mood. I did some extreme stuff during that time in regards to changing my eating habits. Twice I went 21 days eating only vegetables, broths (chicken/beef) and water. I made sure I was out of bed by 6 am and done working out by 7:30am to get my days off right. We went on a family vacation to celebrate our children as our daughter graduated from high school and our son was doing so well in college. We were not able to do this for our son as when he was graduating from high school as our daughter was turning sixteen and adding a new car to our growing stable took precedence over a week away and finances were tight. Upon returning from our vacation, my drive to continue the workout regime that I had so diligently stuck too, waned. Until finally in August while playing soccer I twisted my knee and found myself hobbled. It became an effort to just walk, let alone workout, each step was painful for nearly two months,(no I didn't go to the doctor). Eventually, as the pain subsided and I began the road back, I realized that I was back up into the 220's. Still not bad, as far as my health was concerned, but I had lost all my cardio stamina. Focus on work and other distractions kept me from regaining my prior motivation, but I still maintained an effort to eat healthier. Now as I look at myself on this gorgeous August Monday morning, I am right back where I started back in January of 2009. How did I get here?

After my comments yesterday it dawned on me that I need to take responsibility for myself and kick my butt out of this complacency rut! It has become easy not to workout and not to worry about what or how much I am eating. It is nothing more or less than that which has brought me back to where I was. I have made great strides in working on my perspective and how I interact with others. But I have neglected the reflection of myself in the mirror. Oh sure I see myself when I stand in front of the mirror, but I don't ever pause and actually "look" at myself. By forcing myself to take an honest inventory of my thickening middle, there can be no other conclusion than to step and make the effort to improve how I look.

Mornings like this tend to create moments of introspection for me that push me to these challenges of self. It is so easy to give lip service and talk about what I'd like to do or how I'd like to act or any number of self improvement cliche's. The reality is that I have to choose to be different than I am. I cannot allow the apathy of self delusion and rationalization be the forces that form my future. By my own account I have to create the self motivation and rely on the internal strength that God has bestowed upon me to make myself into the man my wife sees. So that I can actually be that man. Today a brief 1.2 mile walk with the dog and a few sets of push-ups was a start. This evening another trip to the park for a walk with my wife and the dog will continue to get me back on the road to a better me.

Remember, this format is a personal journey to help me find myself and put my thoughts out there so that I can be accountable to more than just my conscience. I appreciate the comments and with all due diligence will strive to put my thoughts out in a coherent and somewhat readable manner (a goal, not necessarily how it will evolve), for those who chose to take a few moments of their day to read what silly diatribe I put into words.

God grant me this week, the presence to see your hand in my life, to find the blessings and grace that you provide to me each day, to make a positive impact into the lives of those with whom I come into contact with, to be a good father and husband and to walk the path of the light that you shine for me. As I fall, give me the strength to stand again, to hold my head high and know that with you on my side, none can stand against me. Through you I will succeed, let me put your will to work in my life and be a reflection of your light for those who need help to see. In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.

Be thankful and extraordinary...

Each day I make an effort to remind myself to thank God for all that He has given me. Yesterday I got to work two jobs and spent 18 hours out of the house. It was a good day for pay doing jobs that were by most people's standards fun to do without a whole lot of effort. I worked with someone else yesterday who also had both gigs booked, actually he was the one who got me on the first and we were both scheduled to work the second job together but for separate crews, so we rode together all day. After an extremely long day and the end was near, unfortunately, my carpool companion was under the gun, as his call time for the second gig was earlier than mine and unknown to me he was almost 2 hours late for his crew call (I was 10 minutes early, so it hadn't entered my mind). The people in charge were somewhat upset the discussion was uncomfortable to say the least. Hopefully, this episode will be worked out and no one will ultimately be harmed from this scheduling miscommunication. It occurred to me on our drive home how fickle and easy it is to be on the other side of the equation. I seriously empathized with my friend and really couldn't provide to much comfort, other than understanding and letting him talk it out. Where I was praised for being early (10 minutes) and doing a good job, he was being berated and put upon to explain a issue that he had thought was resolved and under control. I thanked him for getting the gig in the morning and apologized that he had gotten in trouble for being late. He said to me as we neared our destination and were about to part ways after nearly 18 hours of being together, that he had wanted to tell me for a long time how much he envied my life, my family, my children and how I handled things. Quite a compliment coming out of the blue and one that I sincerely appreciated. I made sure to express exactly that to him and let him know that have God in my heart and on my side was a key component to the way that I try to carry myself in my daily life. Communication or the lack there of is the most common factor in relationships, be it business or personal.

On that note, I am back to thanking God for the extraordinary relationship He has graced me with as my long time girlfriend and wife is spending the weekend in Ellensburg with our daughter working our housing and lease agreements with landlords and three other teenage girls and I am home alone with the dog. It is easy to get complacent and comfortable in a relationship. Many marriages grow to a point of becoming stagnant. Where both parties in the marriage contract are more tolerant of one another but also more disconnected. Almost to the point where the relationship is more one of roommates then a happily married couple. Being happily married is much more than just tolerating your spouse for a number of years and calling it successful based on the longevity. The goal is not just to last but to love and live. I desire a relationship that is extraordinary! One that takes effort to maintain and grow. I want to be extravagant in my love for my wife, telling her each and every day at every opportunity how much I love and adore her. How beautiful she is and praise her for all of the wonderful things she does. We are nearing our 23rd anniversary of being married, but we dated for seven years before making a life long commitment to each other, so she has been my girlfriend for 30 years! She will always be my girlfriend, which means that I will continually try to make sure that I am the one she wants to be with, that I am the kind of person and type of man she desires. I look at myself in the mirror and don't see the body of a man that a woman would be proud to say "he's mine". What does that say about me? It is a reminder to me that at some point I have become complacent and let myself forget that my body is hers and how I maintain it is a direct reflection on her as well as me. To be extraordinary in a relationship means putting the other persons cares and concerns ahead of my own, not just in words, but in action. I need to be proactive and seek out opportunities to take care of my relationship, cherish the woman who has taken my hand and stood by me all these years. She is spectacular in so many ways, wife, mother, household CFO, girlfriend and lover! Thank you God for blessing me in so many ways!

perspective is how you view it...

Some days just don't seem to work out the way we plan. When you wake in the morning, a list in mind for the day ahead, a plan of attack ready to be implemented...Once out from under the covers it's all out the window! Forget the list of "To Do" items, forget the organized schedule to get items crossed off the list of things to do, the time frame to get it all done. Nope, just slap on a smile and face the day! First off, missed bible study for the third week in a row, (had excuses for the last two weeks Julie said stay in bed!) had all intentions when I went to bed, even got up with Julie's alarm at 5:15am - TOTALLY forgot it was Friday and I was going to bible study at 6am. Now when I woke at 7:24, that's when I remembered! The dog needs to be fed, taken for a run at the park, come back home to make breakfast for the kids who are barely out of bed at 10am, head off to work to find that most of the time is spent wasting time and we are going to work less time than I spent driving to and from the venue. All is not lost, tonight I can look forward to a nice quiet evening at home with the family. The battle of 90 minutes through the four lane parking lot from Seattle to Tacoma more commonly known as I-5 to find out that drama has struck 100 miles east and my wife and daughter must depart for Ellensburg with hardly time for kisses, fits right into the way my day has gone. What are you gonna do? just smile and say I love you two, drive safe!

So now it looks like an evening at home with my son and his dog, first gotta take Champ the wonder dog, back to the park to play with the other dogs and throw the frisbee for him. (I know he is gonna take Julie's side of the bed tonight and I want him to sleep well!) This is not how I had envisioned my day when I awoke this morning. I heard awhile ago a great quote, I believe attributed to Phyllis Diller..."If you want to make God laugh, just tell Him your plans" boy is that nothing but the gospel truth! Don't get me wrong, my day was wonderful and I have a fantastic family, wife, son daughter...but this wasn't the day that I had in mind when I went to bed last night.

Never fear, all is not lost and the drama will be worked through with a little application of parental/adult moderation...but I will have to sleep alone in bed...well alone under the sheets. I've got a 100 lb yellow lab who will take my wife's side of the bed tonight and tomorrow night. Chance and I will both be working the Seahawks game tomorrow, he is in the Packer's locker room and I will be working for the Packers visit tv show as the stage manager in the booth. It will be a long day at QWest field but there are certainly much more strenuous jobs that one could be doing for "work".

So the end result is Costco pepperoni pizza and a few Kokanee's for Chance and I as Donica drives Julie back to Ellensburg to iron out some roommate and lease issues that have blossomed over the past few days. A mundane day of "what the heck" and "go with the flow" no sense trying to change the flow of the river just because I think I'm a rock...perspective is what you make of it and nothing more than how you look at something. Stop take a look and then stop and look at it again from another point of view, then just stop and smile...it will be alright! :-)

here we go again...

Ok, here we go again...this will be an exercise in my self discipline and diligence to put my thoughts down daily, in some sort of a coherent and cognitive sort of way. It seems as I ponder questions of what I am doing each day and why I am doing them that I keep coming to the crossroad of indecision about what to do next. Doors open and I tend to peer inside without actually committing and stepping across the threshold. By not committing to an opportunity I allow myself the freedom to be ambiguous and have excuses for not actually making any forward progress. Although I have all the right intentions and vision to build for the future, I create situations that leave the door open while keeping me from actually having to do anything. It is amazing to me that while I realize what I am doing is detrimental to my success, I can at the same time continue to allow my self-defeating habits to continue unchecked and control my decision making process. I spent nearly 20 years working in a job that I was able to hide from my responsibilities and pretend to be doing something positive, where it was easier to keep my head down and go through the motions. The rut I found myself trudging along was comfortable and on the surface made me look like I was moving upward, but inevitably it was a slow downward spiral that caused me to tread water for a great portion of my life. The skill set that I employed made it increasingly more comfortable for me to pretend that I was doing good. The end result was finding myself going through the same trials and tests over and over again without seeing that although the questions changed, the answer remained the same.

Where am I going with this internal dialouge? At this moment, I feel that just trying to find a starting point, a new beginning is as positive a step as I can make. Getting this out and searching for a coherent thread that I can follow, a thread that will help me reconstruct the tapestry of the vision that I have laid out in my mind versus continuing to pull the thread and unravel the beauty of a vision achieved. I know that there is value in what I have to offer and the battle of self-doubt is a continuing effort. By putting my thoughts here and forcing myself to make the effort, no one else is going to do it for me, I can change my mental attitude and move myself forward. Change must start from within and by getting my thoughts and heart together on the same page and moving in the same rhythm momentum for positive results can be achieved. Cliche's are easy to spout "today is the first day of the rest of my life" but if I am not going to start today realizing that "tomorrow never comes" I will find myself taking the same opportunities and turning them into challenges never realized. This is just the start of many good things to come. As I move forward with the newest opportunities to be presented to me, I will endeavor to go over those experiences from the recent past which have brought me here.

I know that what I am doing will be most helpful to myself, but I truly hope that by putting my thoughts to the page, I will also enlighten someone to not make the same mistakes I have made and allow them to maybe find the strength within themselves to step out and walk a path of positive growth and new beginnings.

until tomorrow (which never comes) I will be writing today!