(Although quite is a relative term, seeing as I have a parade of cars that traverse South Hill along Woodland avenue behind my house. I pretend that the cars are the incoming tide on the shores of a beach. A kind of white noise that finds it's way into my subconscious and blends into the background where I can disguise the shoosh of the tires on pavement as water washing up on the sand, the groan of a combustion engine as the waves crashing on the rocks. It works for me.) The beauty of the new day and the start of a new week filled with opportunity have me up and sitting in the cool morning air contemplating what to write about today.
How about this...
Last year, from the end of January until the end of June I went just over 18 weeks in a row working out at least 5 days a week. I exercised my will power and self control regarding my eating habits and through the strength that God provided me and encouragement from my wife and children, I sweated off nearly 50 lbs. From a starting weight of 249 lbs to 196 lbs in just under 6 months. It was a challenge to say the least. The result was I felt better, moved easier and was generally in a better mood. I did some extreme stuff during that time in regards to changing my eating habits. Twice I went 21 days eating only vegetables, broths (chicken/beef) and water. I made sure I was out of bed by 6 am and done working out by 7:30am to get my days off right. We went on a family vacation to celebrate our children as our daughter graduated from high school and our son was doing so well in college. We were not able to do this for our son as when he was graduating from high school as our daughter was turning sixteen and adding a new car to our growing stable took precedence over a week away and finances were tight. Upon returning from our vacation, my drive to continue the workout regime that I had so diligently stuck too, waned. Until finally in August while playing soccer I twisted my knee and found myself hobbled. It became an effort to just walk, let alone workout, each step was painful for nearly two months,(no I didn't go to the doctor). Eventually, as the pain subsided and I began the road back, I realized that I was back up into the 220's. Still not bad, as far as my health was concerned, but I had lost all my cardio stamina. Focus on work and other distractions kept me from regaining my prior motivation, but I still maintained an effort to eat healthier. Now as I look at myself on this gorgeous August Monday morning, I am right back where I started back in January of 2009. How did I get here?
After my comments yesterday it dawned on me that I need to take responsibility for myself and kick my butt out of this complacency rut! It has become easy not to workout and not to worry about what or how much I am eating. It is nothing more or less than that which has brought me back to where I was. I have made great strides in working on my perspective and how I interact with others. But I have neglected the reflection of myself in the mirror. Oh sure I see myself when I stand in front of the mirror, but I don't ever pause and actually "look" at myself. By forcing myself to take an honest inventory of my thickening middle, there can be no other conclusion than to step and make the effort to improve how I look.
Mornings like this tend to create moments of introspection for me that push me to these challenges of self. It is so easy to give lip service and talk about what I'd like to do or how I'd like to act or any number of self improvement cliche's. The reality is that I have to choose to be different than I am. I cannot allow the apathy of self delusion and rationalization be the forces that form my future. By my own account I have to create the self motivation and rely on the internal strength that God has bestowed upon me to make myself into the man my wife sees. So that I can actually be that man. Today a brief 1.2 mile walk with the dog and a few sets of push-ups was a start. This evening another trip to the park for a walk with my wife and the dog will continue to get me back on the road to a better me.
Remember, this format is a personal journey to help me find myself and put my thoughts out there so that I can be accountable to more than just my conscience. I appreciate the comments and with all due diligence will strive to put my thoughts out in a coherent and somewhat readable manner (a goal, not necessarily how it will evolve), for those who chose to take a few moments of their day to read what silly diatribe I put into words.
God grant me this week, the presence to see your hand in my life, to find the blessings and grace that you provide to me each day, to make a positive impact into the lives of those with whom I come into contact with, to be a good father and husband and to walk the path of the light that you shine for me. As I fall, give me the strength to stand again, to hold my head high and know that with you on my side, none can stand against me. Through you I will succeed, let me put your will to work in my life and be a reflection of your light for those who need help to see. In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.
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