How's Your Traffic...?

So often on my commute I have time to ponder long range thoughts. Before I started putting fingers to keyboard, it was easy to day dream an idea through traffic and then let it go upon another safe arrival at home. Now that I am finding an outlet by writing about these thoughts, it becomes a matter of effort and will to follow through with it.

How is your traffic? what is your daily commute like and have you ever slowed down enough to really look at the traffic in your life? Well here are some things to consider:

Let's take a look at my commute home, (each of us will, I believe, be able to insert your singular experience and perspective into this template, just fill in the blanks).

My typical commute is about 85-100 miles round trip. Depending on the time of day the one way commute time is approximately 60 minutes. One hour on average to spend on occasion in a carpool or most often alone.

As I left QWest Field tonight around 10:30pm the traffic had pretty much all cleared out. I wound my way out of the parking structure onto the new corkscrew on ramp from the garage ramp onto the freeway on ramps. Twists and turns, all to get me out and on my way on I5 southbound. The vise like narrowing of 3 on ramps that merge to make 2 lanes that then merge to the 3 southbound lanes, one of which is a carpool lane to make 5 lanes which then quickly squeeze down to 4 lanes and then open up to 5 choices to make at 70 miles an hour. Not too complicated to traverse, in the normal course of driving, but still rife with decisions.

The pack of cars staggered across 4 lanes jockeying for position provide a gap where I can slide in and join the flow. Dancing across 3 lanes I choose to set a pace that will get me to my destination in the most expeditious manner possible without speaking to anyone outside my car.

As in life there are all kinds of signs telling you where you are, how far to get there, offers to sell you something, how fast you should be going and on and on...at night it is interesting to see when you take the time to notice, the number of warning lights you see in a 45 mile commute. The flashing yellow of hazard lights on a car on the side of the road, hopefully they are ok and have a phone to call for help. These days it is just too unsafe to stop and offer assistance. The flowering of brake lights as cars bunch up around a driver who has no feel for the flow of cars around them, playing the part of a stone in a stream, making the water surge around it, pushing ripples out that effect each of the other lanes. The brilliant blue and white of the strobing lights of the police car pulled up behind a car on the side, are they providing assistance or enforcing the law? A situation to be resolved by them and not for me to speculate or judge upon, but a reason for many to hesitate and slow everyone down. Another reminder to stay within the law and get home safely. An ambulance flies by in the other direction, red and white lights flashing and I say a quick prayer for those inside, both victim and paramedics. Each and every color or flash, street sign or decision to change lanes has a parallel in life. It is amazing how much can be drawn to everyday life in a comparison to driving down the highway. Each decision and the impact that it has on your forward progress or lack there of. Do you approach your traffic with trepidation or anticipation? Is your mind made up before you even get into it what kind of traffic you are going to be dealing with? Ask yourself, "How is my traffic?"

This analogy is a book in and of itself. It has taken me two days to get bring this item to some semblance of order and consolidate an extremely long verbal assault into this moderately long attempt at getting to some kind of point. This will be a topic to come back to, so much more to investigate and work through. What kind of attitude do I bring to the table each day, how does that attitude effect those around me and maybe more importantly reflect upon how I want to be perceived. What are the influences that weigh on my decision making process and what are the motivations which drive me to settle on a course of action? Enough right now, but something to ponder for another day.

Thanking God for His graciousness, mercy and patience with me, today I will spend another day trying to get it a little better than yesterday. Thanks also to anyone who has taken their time to read what I have to say, hopefully something struck a chord with you and will make you look at your traffic a little differently. Be blessed as you go through your day!

A quiet summer morning in the great northwest...

Summertime in the great Pacific Northwest is fleeting at best. No one who has ever spent anytime here during the summer can dispute the beauty and wonder that surrounds us. On a clear day you can see Mt. Baker, Mt. Adams and Mt.Rainier from north to south and looking west stands the majesty of the Olympic range standing guard over the entry way from the Pacific. Snow capped and cloud enshrouded Mt. Rainier is the view I have from my back yard. This morning as the sun rose over the Cascades I sat on the back porch and enjoyed the quite dawning of a new day.

(Although quite is a relative term, seeing as I have a parade of cars that traverse South Hill along Woodland avenue behind my house. I pretend that the cars are the incoming tide on the shores of a beach. A kind of white noise that finds it's way into my subconscious and blends into the background where I can disguise the shoosh of the tires on pavement as water washing up on the sand, the groan of a combustion engine as the waves crashing on the rocks. It works for me.) The beauty of the new day and the start of a new week filled with opportunity have me up and sitting in the cool morning air contemplating what to write about today.

How about this...

Last year, from the end of January until the end of June I went just over 18 weeks in a row working out at least 5 days a week. I exercised my will power and self control regarding my eating habits and through the strength that God provided me and encouragement from my wife and children, I sweated off nearly 50 lbs. From a starting weight of 249 lbs to 196 lbs in just under 6 months. It was a challenge to say the least. The result was I felt better, moved easier and was generally in a better mood. I did some extreme stuff during that time in regards to changing my eating habits. Twice I went 21 days eating only vegetables, broths (chicken/beef) and water. I made sure I was out of bed by 6 am and done working out by 7:30am to get my days off right. We went on a family vacation to celebrate our children as our daughter graduated from high school and our son was doing so well in college. We were not able to do this for our son as when he was graduating from high school as our daughter was turning sixteen and adding a new car to our growing stable took precedence over a week away and finances were tight. Upon returning from our vacation, my drive to continue the workout regime that I had so diligently stuck too, waned. Until finally in August while playing soccer I twisted my knee and found myself hobbled. It became an effort to just walk, let alone workout, each step was painful for nearly two months,(no I didn't go to the doctor). Eventually, as the pain subsided and I began the road back, I realized that I was back up into the 220's. Still not bad, as far as my health was concerned, but I had lost all my cardio stamina. Focus on work and other distractions kept me from regaining my prior motivation, but I still maintained an effort to eat healthier. Now as I look at myself on this gorgeous August Monday morning, I am right back where I started back in January of 2009. How did I get here?

After my comments yesterday it dawned on me that I need to take responsibility for myself and kick my butt out of this complacency rut! It has become easy not to workout and not to worry about what or how much I am eating. It is nothing more or less than that which has brought me back to where I was. I have made great strides in working on my perspective and how I interact with others. But I have neglected the reflection of myself in the mirror. Oh sure I see myself when I stand in front of the mirror, but I don't ever pause and actually "look" at myself. By forcing myself to take an honest inventory of my thickening middle, there can be no other conclusion than to step and make the effort to improve how I look.

Mornings like this tend to create moments of introspection for me that push me to these challenges of self. It is so easy to give lip service and talk about what I'd like to do or how I'd like to act or any number of self improvement cliche's. The reality is that I have to choose to be different than I am. I cannot allow the apathy of self delusion and rationalization be the forces that form my future. By my own account I have to create the self motivation and rely on the internal strength that God has bestowed upon me to make myself into the man my wife sees. So that I can actually be that man. Today a brief 1.2 mile walk with the dog and a few sets of push-ups was a start. This evening another trip to the park for a walk with my wife and the dog will continue to get me back on the road to a better me.

Remember, this format is a personal journey to help me find myself and put my thoughts out there so that I can be accountable to more than just my conscience. I appreciate the comments and with all due diligence will strive to put my thoughts out in a coherent and somewhat readable manner (a goal, not necessarily how it will evolve), for those who chose to take a few moments of their day to read what silly diatribe I put into words.

God grant me this week, the presence to see your hand in my life, to find the blessings and grace that you provide to me each day, to make a positive impact into the lives of those with whom I come into contact with, to be a good father and husband and to walk the path of the light that you shine for me. As I fall, give me the strength to stand again, to hold my head high and know that with you on my side, none can stand against me. Through you I will succeed, let me put your will to work in my life and be a reflection of your light for those who need help to see. In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.

Be thankful and extraordinary...

Each day I make an effort to remind myself to thank God for all that He has given me. Yesterday I got to work two jobs and spent 18 hours out of the house. It was a good day for pay doing jobs that were by most people's standards fun to do without a whole lot of effort. I worked with someone else yesterday who also had both gigs booked, actually he was the one who got me on the first and we were both scheduled to work the second job together but for separate crews, so we rode together all day. After an extremely long day and the end was near, unfortunately, my carpool companion was under the gun, as his call time for the second gig was earlier than mine and unknown to me he was almost 2 hours late for his crew call (I was 10 minutes early, so it hadn't entered my mind). The people in charge were somewhat upset the discussion was uncomfortable to say the least. Hopefully, this episode will be worked out and no one will ultimately be harmed from this scheduling miscommunication. It occurred to me on our drive home how fickle and easy it is to be on the other side of the equation. I seriously empathized with my friend and really couldn't provide to much comfort, other than understanding and letting him talk it out. Where I was praised for being early (10 minutes) and doing a good job, he was being berated and put upon to explain a issue that he had thought was resolved and under control. I thanked him for getting the gig in the morning and apologized that he had gotten in trouble for being late. He said to me as we neared our destination and were about to part ways after nearly 18 hours of being together, that he had wanted to tell me for a long time how much he envied my life, my family, my children and how I handled things. Quite a compliment coming out of the blue and one that I sincerely appreciated. I made sure to express exactly that to him and let him know that have God in my heart and on my side was a key component to the way that I try to carry myself in my daily life. Communication or the lack there of is the most common factor in relationships, be it business or personal.

On that note, I am back to thanking God for the extraordinary relationship He has graced me with as my long time girlfriend and wife is spending the weekend in Ellensburg with our daughter working our housing and lease agreements with landlords and three other teenage girls and I am home alone with the dog. It is easy to get complacent and comfortable in a relationship. Many marriages grow to a point of becoming stagnant. Where both parties in the marriage contract are more tolerant of one another but also more disconnected. Almost to the point where the relationship is more one of roommates then a happily married couple. Being happily married is much more than just tolerating your spouse for a number of years and calling it successful based on the longevity. The goal is not just to last but to love and live. I desire a relationship that is extraordinary! One that takes effort to maintain and grow. I want to be extravagant in my love for my wife, telling her each and every day at every opportunity how much I love and adore her. How beautiful she is and praise her for all of the wonderful things she does. We are nearing our 23rd anniversary of being married, but we dated for seven years before making a life long commitment to each other, so she has been my girlfriend for 30 years! She will always be my girlfriend, which means that I will continually try to make sure that I am the one she wants to be with, that I am the kind of person and type of man she desires. I look at myself in the mirror and don't see the body of a man that a woman would be proud to say "he's mine". What does that say about me? It is a reminder to me that at some point I have become complacent and let myself forget that my body is hers and how I maintain it is a direct reflection on her as well as me. To be extraordinary in a relationship means putting the other persons cares and concerns ahead of my own, not just in words, but in action. I need to be proactive and seek out opportunities to take care of my relationship, cherish the woman who has taken my hand and stood by me all these years. She is spectacular in so many ways, wife, mother, household CFO, girlfriend and lover! Thank you God for blessing me in so many ways!

perspective is how you view it...

Some days just don't seem to work out the way we plan. When you wake in the morning, a list in mind for the day ahead, a plan of attack ready to be implemented...Once out from under the covers it's all out the window! Forget the list of "To Do" items, forget the organized schedule to get items crossed off the list of things to do, the time frame to get it all done. Nope, just slap on a smile and face the day! First off, missed bible study for the third week in a row, (had excuses for the last two weeks Julie said stay in bed!) had all intentions when I went to bed, even got up with Julie's alarm at 5:15am - TOTALLY forgot it was Friday and I was going to bible study at 6am. Now when I woke at 7:24, that's when I remembered! The dog needs to be fed, taken for a run at the park, come back home to make breakfast for the kids who are barely out of bed at 10am, head off to work to find that most of the time is spent wasting time and we are going to work less time than I spent driving to and from the venue. All is not lost, tonight I can look forward to a nice quiet evening at home with the family. The battle of 90 minutes through the four lane parking lot from Seattle to Tacoma more commonly known as I-5 to find out that drama has struck 100 miles east and my wife and daughter must depart for Ellensburg with hardly time for kisses, fits right into the way my day has gone. What are you gonna do? just smile and say I love you two, drive safe!

So now it looks like an evening at home with my son and his dog, first gotta take Champ the wonder dog, back to the park to play with the other dogs and throw the frisbee for him. (I know he is gonna take Julie's side of the bed tonight and I want him to sleep well!) This is not how I had envisioned my day when I awoke this morning. I heard awhile ago a great quote, I believe attributed to Phyllis Diller..."If you want to make God laugh, just tell Him your plans" boy is that nothing but the gospel truth! Don't get me wrong, my day was wonderful and I have a fantastic family, wife, son daughter...but this wasn't the day that I had in mind when I went to bed last night.

Never fear, all is not lost and the drama will be worked through with a little application of parental/adult moderation...but I will have to sleep alone in bed...well alone under the sheets. I've got a 100 lb yellow lab who will take my wife's side of the bed tonight and tomorrow night. Chance and I will both be working the Seahawks game tomorrow, he is in the Packer's locker room and I will be working for the Packers visit tv show as the stage manager in the booth. It will be a long day at QWest field but there are certainly much more strenuous jobs that one could be doing for "work".

So the end result is Costco pepperoni pizza and a few Kokanee's for Chance and I as Donica drives Julie back to Ellensburg to iron out some roommate and lease issues that have blossomed over the past few days. A mundane day of "what the heck" and "go with the flow" no sense trying to change the flow of the river just because I think I'm a rock...perspective is what you make of it and nothing more than how you look at something. Stop take a look and then stop and look at it again from another point of view, then just stop and smile...it will be alright! :-)

here we go again...

Ok, here we go again...this will be an exercise in my self discipline and diligence to put my thoughts down daily, in some sort of a coherent and cognitive sort of way. It seems as I ponder questions of what I am doing each day and why I am doing them that I keep coming to the crossroad of indecision about what to do next. Doors open and I tend to peer inside without actually committing and stepping across the threshold. By not committing to an opportunity I allow myself the freedom to be ambiguous and have excuses for not actually making any forward progress. Although I have all the right intentions and vision to build for the future, I create situations that leave the door open while keeping me from actually having to do anything. It is amazing to me that while I realize what I am doing is detrimental to my success, I can at the same time continue to allow my self-defeating habits to continue unchecked and control my decision making process. I spent nearly 20 years working in a job that I was able to hide from my responsibilities and pretend to be doing something positive, where it was easier to keep my head down and go through the motions. The rut I found myself trudging along was comfortable and on the surface made me look like I was moving upward, but inevitably it was a slow downward spiral that caused me to tread water for a great portion of my life. The skill set that I employed made it increasingly more comfortable for me to pretend that I was doing good. The end result was finding myself going through the same trials and tests over and over again without seeing that although the questions changed, the answer remained the same.

Where am I going with this internal dialouge? At this moment, I feel that just trying to find a starting point, a new beginning is as positive a step as I can make. Getting this out and searching for a coherent thread that I can follow, a thread that will help me reconstruct the tapestry of the vision that I have laid out in my mind versus continuing to pull the thread and unravel the beauty of a vision achieved. I know that there is value in what I have to offer and the battle of self-doubt is a continuing effort. By putting my thoughts here and forcing myself to make the effort, no one else is going to do it for me, I can change my mental attitude and move myself forward. Change must start from within and by getting my thoughts and heart together on the same page and moving in the same rhythm momentum for positive results can be achieved. Cliche's are easy to spout "today is the first day of the rest of my life" but if I am not going to start today realizing that "tomorrow never comes" I will find myself taking the same opportunities and turning them into challenges never realized. This is just the start of many good things to come. As I move forward with the newest opportunities to be presented to me, I will endeavor to go over those experiences from the recent past which have brought me here.

I know that what I am doing will be most helpful to myself, but I truly hope that by putting my thoughts to the page, I will also enlighten someone to not make the same mistakes I have made and allow them to maybe find the strength within themselves to step out and walk a path of positive growth and new beginnings.

until tomorrow (which never comes) I will be writing today!